What a Character

I need to write a “conclusion to a body of two years' worth of work in AP English,” so no pressure right? Note my sarcastic tone, I am actually feeling an inordinate amount of pressure right now, pathos anyone? Perhaps some sympathy from kindhearted audiences? But let’s disembark the pity train, before this gets out of hand. After all, if AP English has taught me anything, it’s how to deal with pressure, so I can do this. I’ve met some real characters in AP English, some of them are classmates (a quick perusal of any of the quotes packets can attest to that), one of them is Ms. Serensky, and the rest are from the parade of literature which we tore apart Junior year. It is to these individuals that I would like to speak:

Harriet Jacobs: I am sorry that I berated you for eliciting my sympathy. In retrospect, this may not have been any sort of nefarious ploy; it was probably just due to the fact that you were a slave and lived in an attic for seven years. You did say you weren’t going to make me feel sorry for you, which was misleading and false. However, this was probably due more to the subject matter than to any sort of plotting or manipulation on your part. Sorry.

Dr. Finch (from Running With Scissors): I am not sorry for berating you, you are a bad father, husband, and doctor and that is all I have to say to you.

Truman Capote: What a “Tiny Terror,” the tales of your escapades will be with me forever, unfortunately, so will your tale of coldblooded murder, frankly, I am still pretty disturbed by it.

I also met some not-real characters this year:

Othello: How can such a good general have such train wreck-level horrifically bad judgment? It was a bad idea to listen to Iago, but it was an even worse idea to kill your wife over a handkerchief, not to mention the fact that the two of you were basically on your honeymoon at that point. Seriously, a handkerchief?

Gogol: I’m not going to yell at you Gogol, I really do feel bad that your wife cheated on you, and that she had a moustache, but mostly that she cheated on you.

Mr. Bunbury: Even though you are not real, you taught me about consonance and I am forever in your debt. Get well soon!

Miss Prism: Do not hire absent-minded romance novelists as nannies; I know it sounds like it would be fun right? But it’s not, resist the temptation.

Goodbye characters!

NOT the same thing as a baby

So Long, Farewell

If we all decided to perform an impromptu musical number on the last day of school and the cast from The Sound of Music dropped by, this is probably what would happen…

(All students)
There's a sad sort of clanging
From the bells in the hall
And the bells in the shared space, too
And up in the ward
An absurd little bird
Is popping out to say coo-coo
(Coo-coo, coo-coo)

(Brigitta, Gretel, Marta) (Fredrick, Leisel, Kurt, Louisa)
coo-coo Regretfully it tells us
coo-coo But firmly it compels us
to say goodbye
coo-coo
(All)
To School

(Students)
So long, farewell
Auf Wiedersehen, goodbye
(Marta)
I hate to go and leave Serensky’s sight

(Students)
So long, farewell
Auf Wiedersehen, adieu
(Fredrick)
Adieu, adieu
To you and you and you

(Students)
So long, farewell
Au revoir, Auf Weidersehen
(Leisel)
I'd like to stay
Now could that be arranged?
(Talking to the Ms. Serensky) yes?
(Ms. Serensky) no!

(Students)
So long, farewell
Auf Weidersehen, goodbye
(Kurt)
I leave and heave
A sigh and say goodbye
Goodbye

(Brigitta)
I'm glad to go
I cannot tell a lie
(Louisa)
I drop, my books
I quickly flee, I fly

(Gretel)
The seniors have gone
To Springfest and so must I

(Students) So long, farewell
Auf Weidersehen, goodbye

Goodbye
Goodbye
Goodbye

Do You Have What It Takes?

Do you have too much time on your hands?  Is your social life just a bit too full? Are you ready to work like an ox? Then step up and join the few, the proud, the AP English Oxen! You’ll do your share of griping and complaining but you will eventually develop a strange love-hate relationship with AP English, and I guarantee you will not regret your choice. These are some of the things that make up for the all the hard work and long hours…

1.      Quotes! Maybe you’ve seen them around the school before, if you haven’t, your life is not yet complete

2.      Emerging from the “depths of mental midgetry”

3.      Someday you will get a sticker, perhaps it will be Harry Potter themed, or maybe it will tell you “you’re special” (you should be so lucky), either way the excitement you feel as an upperclassman will rival anything you experienced upon receiving a sticker as a small child.

4.      It’s better than spending 7 years in an attic

5.      You will watch a Leonardo DiCaprio movie (Ms. Serensky has a crush on him)

6.      Multiple Choice Games: the rivalry, the trash talking, the enthusiastic cheering!

7.      Because you need a way to fill all that spare time, remember, idle hands are the devil’s playground!

8.      Come AP week, you will be ready for the test; it’s a good feeling to walk out of that room with a feeling of confidence, rather than dismay.

9.      Learning to be a writer, the most important part of AP English

10.  Blogs! They’re surprisingly fun and a welcome break from formal writing assignments

Sarcasm aside, AP English is worth every minute of work, if you had the chance to completely overhaul your abilities as a writer and literary analyst before college, why wouldn’t you take it?

 

A Meeting of Three Men Who Are Not Friends

Two men gather outside the Rec Center, clearly intrigued by the goings on inside, though they maintain an awkward silence between themselves. At last, a third man arrives and finally breaks the ice…

Randall Patrick McMurphy: “Good mornin’, buddies” (Kesey 11)

Lane: “sir” (Wilde 1)

(Clive gives only an indignant look, mutters about a shocking degree of informality among the fans)

Randall Patrick McMurphy: “Hooeee…look what we got here,” I reckon that could be an AP English Language and Lit-ra-ture Exam (Kesey 23)

Lane: “I have had very little experience of it myself” (Wilde 1)

Clive Linley: Well I’m sorry to hear that, but “there [must be] a certain level of achievement, a gold standard, that [is] nonnegotiable, beyond mere opinion” so I take great interest in these things (McEwan 143)

Randall Patrick McMurphy: Looks like she’s writin’ somethin’ “is this the usual pro-cedure?” (Kesey 57)

Clive Linley: Yes, it is an essay, but “do you think the whole piece is hanging together well? Structurally, I mean?” (McEwan 175)

Lane: “it is not a very interesting subject” (Wilde 2)

Clive Linley: “it [would] …be going too far to say [she is]…a genius [like myself]” (McEwan 143)

Randall Patrick McMurphy: Speakin’ of “structurally” all them rows look “like a Chinese prison camp” (66).

Lane: “Yes” (Wilde 1)

Randall Patrick McMurphy: “I’ll bet you two dollars here and now that [she’ll finish in time]” (Kesey 14)

Clive Linley: Hardly, “I mean, to [write] that way, with no awareness, like an animal” (McEwan 5)

Lane: "I don’t think it polite [to say so], sir” (Wilde 1)

Clive Linley: “Kindly bugger off...If you don’t go away I shall smack your stupid face” (McEwan 178)

Lane: “I do my best to give satisfaction, sir” (Wilde 18) (stalks off, clearly offended)

                                           

The party disperses and McMurphy calls after the other two that an early forfeit means they have to pay him double.

                                               Meet the Cast

Randall Patrick McMurphy

Lane

Clive as he sees himself

Clive as everyone else sees him